it infuriates me when people tell me “lifes too short to not forgive people!” like NO lifes too short for me to continually allow abusive and manipulative behavior in my life and live in a constant state of anxiety bc I want to be “nice” or whatever
There’s such a big difference between moving past what someone did to you, and forgiving someone for it. I’ve never understood why people think the latter is necessary in order to do the former.
There is also a big difference between forgiving someone and being nice/allowing abusive behaviour to continue.
Usually when people say life is too short to not forgive someone, they aren’t saying you have to continue the friendship/relationship/whatever. They are saying don’t keep the poison inside you. Forgive them in whatever way you wish because life is too short for you to have to hold into every hurt that has been done to you. Forgiveness is really just a way for a person to heal. When you get that sense of closure, it’ll be easier for /you/ to move on with your life.
If the person has changed their ways, then yeah, it may be okay to forgive them in person. Let them know the damage has been done but you forgive them and now it’s time for you to heal. But none of that means you /have/ to stay in touch with that person.
Forgiveness is a way to let go. And it’s a way to detoxify your soul and your mentality. It’s for /your/ inner peace.
And it can be very, very hard to do.
"Depression is such a cruel punishment. There are no fevers, no rashes, no blood tests to send people scurrying in concern. Just the slow erosion of the self, as insidious as any cancer. And, like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience. A room in hell with only your name on the door."
I wish I could make some people really understand this. A close friend of mine committed suicide last week and left 2 beautiful children behind and siblings that loved them. Unfortuneately, this persons family keeps accusing them of utter selfishness for taking their life. No matter how much I explain and no matter how many different ways I explain it, this persons family can’t seem to understand that it was not selfishness that caused the suicide, it was unending pain and despair and a real belief(untrue belief, but real to the person)that their death would be better for their children and family. Sometimes, there just are not enough words.
We had a lot of trouble with western mental health workers who came here immediately after the genocide and we had to ask some of them to leave.
They came and their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. There was no acknowledgement of the depression as something invasive and external that could actually be cast out again.
Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave.”
From The Moth podcast, ‘Notes on an Exorcism’. (via jacobwren)
I’ve sometimes thought that holding therapy sessions outside, in the sun, with soothing music would be far more therapeutic than sitting in an office. Looks like I might be right.
Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little.
And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.”